There’s been a growing trend of people forming safe circles of like-minded friends while cutting everyone else off as “toxic.” It might be politics, different theological positions, or simply the frustration of being “the one who always calls.” The reasons are endless.

It seems this line from Anton LaVey’s Satanic Bible has captured the cultural mood:

“Charity for those who deserve it, not kindness wasted on ingrates.”

That resonates with people because it appeals to something deeply wired into us. Every culture gravitates toward it.

But let’s be clear: this is the opposite of what Jesus taught. He called us to something radical—something that feels against the grain of our nature and even against common sense:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” (Matthew 5:43–47)

Jesus towers above the noise of all these cultural conversations about toxic people, and cut off culture, and calls both the way people gets trapped in abusive and sinful relatioonships and cut off culture Satanic. Our enemy wants us to be trapped in relationships where we loose who God made us to be, or to just cut off people one by one til nobody is left.

This is where we need both wisdom and God’s healing love.

Wisdom in Relationships

Wisdom reminds us that loving others doesn’t mean giving everyone the same access to our lives. Scripture is clear: “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Even Jesus spent a whole night in prayer before choosing His twelve disciples, and among them, He was closer with three. Not everyone will have the same access to our lives—and we shouldn’t carry false guilt from the enemy about that.

We don’t need to live loneliness-driven or circumstance-driven lives, settling for “these are just my day ones, these are the only people who get me.” Jesus gives us a new family—people moving in the same direction, shaped by the same love for Him.

We also don’t need to be best friends with everyone to show kindness and love. Scripture tells us, “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). That doesn’t mean staying in environments of abuse or constant rejection. Jesus Himself told His disciples that if a town rejected them, they should move on to another (Matthew 10:14). Sometimes peace isn’t possible, but from our end, our heart should be to try.

Healing Love

Healing love allows us to go further. It enables us to maintain relationships—even when they’re less than ideal—without being consumed by them. Imagine being so filled by God that even draining people cannot empty you. You’ll still need a solid core of Spirit-filled friends, just as Jesus had His inner circle. But more importantly, you can develop intimacy with God Himself—casting your cares on Him first and coming away renewed and steady.

From that place, you gain the bandwidth to deal with people. You can see the good in them without being weighed down by their issues. You stop approaching others with the desperate plea, “I’m lonely, will you accept me?” or the cold dismissal, “You’re toxic, I’m cutting you off.” Instead, you become rooted, secure, and free.

The Freedom of Christ

This is the freedom Christ offers: not a fragile circle that only includes people who never disappoint us, but a life so anchored in God’s love that we can embrace community with open hands. We can draw healthy boundaries and extend radical grace. We can choose wise companions and still love our enemies. In doing so, we reflect the heart of our Father, who “causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good.”

The world says, “Love those who deserve it.” Jesus says, “Love, because you are loved by God even when you didn’t deserve it.” And when His love is your foundation, you’ll always have more than enough to give.

A Prayer

I want to pray for those reading this who carry weariness toward family or old relationships—those you’ve stepped away from, maybe for good reasons. Perhaps for a season you needed distance. But now, as you become healthier in Christ—or pursue Him to be healthier—you may find space to reach out in love again.

Not to go back to unhealthy patterns where others define you, but to step into something new: to love people where they are and trust God to protect your heart.

I pray that God would so ground you in Him that you could even reach out to those you haven’t prayed for—or even allowed yourself to think about—for months or years. I pray these words would help restore relationships. And I pray you would also see clearly that what you long for from people, even from family, can only ultimately be found in God Himself.

May you find who you are, and all your healing, in Him.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.