Has your pursuit of the ideal, caused you to lose sight of becoming the ideal?

Everyone wants the ideal marriage, the ideal community, the ideal business, the ideal church ministry, the ideal friendships, the ideal life.

But the problem with always wanting the ideal is that we can become idealistic.

The oxford dictionary defines idealistic as: unrealistically aiming for perfection.

For the idealistic person the ideal becomes a new type of law that everything is measured by. The idealistic person becomes the judge, jury, and executioner of whether someone or something meets the criteria of the ideal.

Moreso, the idealistic person, because of their pursuit of the idealistic, begins to think idealistically about themselves. They have become blind to their own shortcomings, their own failures and inherent reasons they themselves can not attain to the ideal.

In other words, the idealistic person becomes a type of pharisee. Always judging others for their failures, puffing their chest and pointing out how they’re the ideal, but inwardly, like Jesus says of the Pharisee’s, they’re like a whited tomb. Meaning, they look good on the outside, but the inside is rotting.

So what do we do? Dispose of the ideal? I don’t think so.

Instead, I think we need to understand that the ideal is not something we receive, but something we have to create.

What do I mean?

Example, you’re married, but your spouse is just so immature. When you imagine the ideal spouse, your spouse definitely doesn’t meet the criteria. If you just had the ideal spouse, then you’d have the ideal marriage. You’re discontent. You’re judging them in your heart as the reason for not having the ideal marriage. You are constantly critiquing them, picking apart what they do or don’t do. Holding them to this ideal standard over and over. This poor spouse begins to feel like they never measure up. They blame themselves for the failures of the marriage. Slowly but surely, you have squeezed the life out of your spouse, and out of your marriage. 

An idealistic spouse is a loveless spouse, who blames their lovelessness on their spouse. They are driven by their own need to have approval for living up to the ideal.

The answer to all this isn’t to dispose of the ideal, but embody and become the ideal. Build the ideal. Love the ideal into existence. Don’t bemoan the one you’re with, but love them with every ounce of your being for exactly who they are. Lay down your life, your need for approval or accolades, and get to work everyday on being exactly who you’re supposed to be.

Now, fill in the blank. What ways have you fallen in love with the idea of something, but really failed to love the essence of something?